Gloss: Dad is strong. He works a lot. Dad helps people. Dad is silly. He blows in my ear. Dad is good. He loves me.
Notes: The student writes simple, three to five word sentences describing a parent.
Ideas and Content: All of the ideas on the planning page are included in the paper and the student includes a picture of a “strong” dad. The student’s ideas are original and not copied, even though he or she starts to use more common phrases such as “Dad is good” and “He loves me” near the end of the paper.
Organization and Focus: The paper remains focused on describing Dad. The student demonstrates a sense of organization, effectively connecting two ideas in a logical sequence when he or she writes, “Dad is silly. He blows in my ear.”
Style: The student uses descriptive, though not particularly colorful, words such as “good,” “silly,” and “strong.” He or she tries to vary the beginning words in the sentences by using both “Dad” and “He,” but there could be more variety in the sentence lengths and patterns. Most sentences have a three word pattern. Though the sentences are simple, the writing shows personal experience and feelings when the student ends with “He loves me.”
Conventions: The student has a good understanding of sentence construction and punctuation, but he or she does not completely understand capitalization conventions. Though sentences are not capitalized, it appears the student does understand the need to capitalize the name “Dad.”
Notes: The student writes incomplete thoughts.
Ideas and Content: Judging from the student’s planning page, he or she has many ideas (dad eats, dad plays) , but these ideas are not reflected on the writing page. Because it is unclear how the student used ideas on the planning page to influence his or her writing, he or she receives a score of 1.
Organization and Focus: This student needs to work on developing organization in his or her writing. The words do not make complete sense. The reader can only get the general idea that someone is being picked up from a bus (“pick me off the bus”) and going to work or home. The student does effectively connect ideas with the word “or.” Because “he” is not named in a title or in the body of the paper, the focus of the paper is unclear (who is “he”?) and the prompt is not completely addressed.
Style: The student does not write enough to demonstrate varied sentence patterns.
Conventions: The student’s writing is legible and many of the words are spelled correctly. Some of the words are missing endings (“pick” /”picks” “go”/”goes”), and there is no capitalization.
Gloss: Elly at the Pool. (Title) Me and Elly went to the Pool. We were at the diving board for three whole hours. Then we went to play with my brother John. Then we went to get a snack. Then I went to get back in the pool, but it started to rain. We had to go home. We had fun.
Notes: The student writes a narrative about an event with a favorite person.
Ideas and Content: The student uses the word web to describe a friend Elly (“girl,” “at my school,” “laughs a lot,” and “fun”), but does not include these ideas in the written paper. Despite this, he or she is able to draw a picture that complements the written work. The writing is solid and includes details such as who (Elly, brother John), where (at the diving board), how long (“three whole hours”) and what (started to rain).
Organization and Focus: The paper is focused and well organized with ideas sequenced logically and connected with the transitions “then” and “but.” The writing does not completely answer the prompt. Though it does tell about something the writer did with a favorite person, it does not tell much about the favorite person. Instead, this paper appears focused on a day at the pool.
Style: The student clearly tells about a personal experience, but uses only one description “three whole hours” to make the writing more vivid. He or she uses variety in some of the sentences, but tends to repeat “then” at the beginning of many sentences.
Conventions: The student consistently writes names with capitals, but does not consistently capitalize the first words in sentences. His or her spelling is fairly good, but the ends of words are omitted (“th” for “then,” “broth” for “brother,” “wer” for “were”).
Gloss: My Mom (title) My mom is my favorite person because she plays with me and she gives me some candy and cookies. And we go swimming at the park. And we play basketball together at the basketball court. And we go walking downtown together.
Notes: The student writes about a favorite person with multiple ideas connected with “and.”
Ideas and Content: The student plans his or her paper using a word web about “mom” and drawing a picture of two people (likely “mom” and the writer) outside in the grass in the sun. The writing, however, focuses on playing with “mom.” The details in the paper (“gives me some candy and cookies” and “we go walking downtown together”) are specific enough to show originality and give the reader a sense of depth in what the writer does with his or her mother.
Organization and Focus: The student begins the paper with clearly organized thoughts, stating the topic (“My mom is my favorite person”) and supporting the topic by using the word “because” The order of the paper diminishes as it progresses because most of the sentences are joined with “and.”
Style: The student’s writing has a few descriptive (“some,” “favorite”) but the words do not add much imagery. The student starts the paper with the clear and flowing sentence, “My mom is my favorite person because she plays with me,” but the rest of the ideas become repetitious sounding with the repeating of “and” or “and we” at the beginning of most of the sentences.
Conventions: The student demonstrates a solid understanding of spacing letters and words but does not show a clear understanding of the rules of capitalization. There is an occasional misplaced capital (Down town” and “because She” ), and the student only capitalizes the first word in the first sentence. Spelling is appropriate for grade level, with correct spellings for words such as “down,” “because,” “she,” “plays,” “some,” and “the.” Other words such as “prsin/person” and “swiming/swimming” are close approximations.
Gloss: Mom (title) Mom washes dishes. She takes care of Dylan. Mom washes the car. Mom washes the truck. Mom today she is going to the zoo. Mom is kind and nice. Mom she has blonde hair. Mom she weighs 30 pounds. Mom she takes care of my sister. Mom she takes care of my dad.
Notes: The student writes many sentences with repetition of ideas and words.
Ideas and Content: The student writes many details explaining what mom does and shows an illustration of a mother reaching out to a child. The student also transfers ideas from the word web to his or her writing.
Organization and Focus: Though it is common for a first grader to list ideas about a favorite person, this list seems particularly disorganized because of repetition and the lack of connection between similar ideas (“Mom washes the car. Mom washes the truck.” instead of “Mom washes the car and the truck.”). This makes the order appear random. It seems as if the student tried to give order to the paper by beginning each sentence with the word “Mom,” but this construction causes the word order of some sentences to be incorrect (Mom she is…”). The student does successfully stay focused on writing about “mom” and does not stray off topic.
Style: The student uses descriptive vocabulary such as “blonde,” “kind,” and “nice,” though the repetition of “Mom” at the start of every sentence makes the paper sound dull.
Conventions: The student’s use of random capitals indicates that the student does not understand conventions for capitalization. Spelling is inconsistent with “today” and “going” spelled correctly, but words such as “takes” (takeks”) and “truck” (“trock”) are misspelled.